The value of doing things that scare us
Each year I choose a one-word intention for the year. As I shared previously, this year I choose the word “Adventure”. Each day I start my gratitude practice by finding a quote that inspires me. Today I take my inspiration from Marie Curie. In her day, Dr Curie was the only person to win two Noble Prizes in different subjects. She consistently confronted what she was told could not be done, not only in her work with radioactive substances, but also in other aspects of her life. She was fearless for the rights of women. Marie believed that “Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
Recently I decided to take an intro to scuba diving class. I scheduled the class for myself and my whole family. One of my children who had initially wanted to try scuba approached me and asked to cancel his reservation for the class. Somewhat misguided, I persevered on and encouraged him to merely show up to the class and if he felt afraid he could back out at anytime. I encouraged him to make decision by decision: show up at the beach, look at the equipment, look at the bay, put on the scuba gear, put his toes in the ocean, put his face in the water…
We arrived and he was not happy with me. He felt pushed and scared. He shared with me that the ocean was one of his biggest fears. Up until that time I was super excited to go. Seeing the fear of my 20-something son, fear began to creep up on me. Before I knew it, I was panicking. We had swam out to the buoy and were waiting our turns to go down with the dive instructor. Masks on, tanks on our backs, and regulators in our mouths, I began to panic like I had never done before. One by one, I watched my family descend into the water with the instructor. One by one they came up to the surface flashing delighted smiles and with stories of amazement and wonder.
My son decided to be brave and go with his sister— who has a long history of anxiety. I watched them descend into the water. My boy who had told me he was terrified and my anxious daughter. I put my regulator in my mouth and put my face in the water and looked for them. I couldn’t see them. I looked around and around and still couldn’t see them. I began to notice that I was just breathing and looking. I noticed that all that I had to control was my breathing. Long, deep breaths in and slow, long, deep breaths out.
As I watched and breathed, my body began to relax… and so did my mind. As my son and daughter surfaced, I knew I had to conquer my fear and go with the dive instructor. I trusted her— she had brought all four of my children back alive, safe, and thrilled. If my son could do it, so could I!
I pursed my lips around the regulator, took a deep breath from my tank, and descended into the water. I breathed slowly and deeply and relaxed. I began to see a whole new world. The more I relaxed and just breathed, the more that I saw. This was a wow moment for me. Holding the hand of my effectively-blind partner who was along for the sheer experience… given that he can’t see a thing past his nose without his glasses.
I quickly forgot that he couldn’t see the things that I was seeing. I began pointing out fish and coral. It was mesmerizing! As my fear dissipated and I relaxed more, I realized that all that I had to do was breathe and experience. With the comfort of holding my sweet partner’s hand and being guided by an expert diver, my fears of loss of control were gone. I was in the moment… you could even say “lost” in the moment… the very moment that was happening right before my own eyes. It was glorious. As our time to surface came, I found myself wanting just a minute more in the very place I feared only minutes earlier.
As I got of out of the water I felt a deep sense of gratitude for the gift of watching the bravery of my son and daughter. I was grateful for relaxing into my body and just breathing. This year I have climbed mountains in a tropical rainforest, swam in a lagoon with a waterfall, ate at places I would never have before (I ate sushi out of the refrigerated counter at a 7-Eleven in Hawaii), I have swam with sharks, paddle boarded on the ocean and with sea turtles. I danced in the street with my kids and sweet husband, and conquered my fear of scuba diving.
I can do things that scare me. Not only did I get to experience those amazing things in the present moment, I gained additional confidence. It wasn’t the thinking about the hard things that shifted my brain, it was moving my body and doing the thing that I feared. This movement of my body shifted my FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) to confidence. What things keep you from bravely living the life you want to live? What forces you to keep your confidence locked away?
