Hard Talks Pt 4: identifying conversational metadata
TL;DR
Chris’ first step for a connecting conversation is to identify the issue and the feelings around it. Write down the key points, what you want your partner to know, and your own contribution to the problem. Speak your truth, and reflect back what you hear before assigning meaning.
I want to share some helpful ways to have an insightful and connecting conversation.
First way is to identify the issue and the feelings around the issue.
Is it a challenge? A dream? A perpetual problem?
Write down the key points that underpin the problem and identify the emotions attached to it. Determine what you want your partner to know about the problem and the impact that it is having on you. Describe what you worry about for the future. Share with your partner ways that you have contributed to the problem and what resolution would look like for you. Be clear with your partner about the steps you have taken and what kind of additional help you are seeking.
Speak your truth. It is during the hard conversations where we are vulnerable with our partners about our lived experience that leads to the greatest opportunity for connection. This includes being willing to hear feedback that may be different from your lived experience. Make sure that you are hearing them well— reflect back what you are hearing and ask clarifying questions before assigning meaning to any give situation.
