ADHD & Sex #1: a lack of focus

Sex and ADHD are two situations that don’t always mix well. Many of the symptoms we experience on a day-to-day basis can make communication, intimacy, and sex more difficult.

Lack of focus is a stereotypically-classical symptom of ADHD. If your mind wanders throughout your day during non-sexual activities, your mind could very well wander during sex. Your partner could perceive your wandering mind as a lack of interest in them.

Another form of lack of focus in the moment is spectatoring. Originally proposed by Masters and Johnson in 1970, it involves a person focusing on him or herself “from a third person perspective during sexual activity, rather than focusing on one’s sensations and sexual partner, can increase performance fears and cause deleterious effects on sexual performance.” It’s sort of like mentally casting and viewing yourself in a movie.

Both a wandering mind and spectatoring can interfere with closeness and pleasure by taking one’s focus away from the here and now of intimacy or sex. When you find your mind wandering, ask yourself to name one thing you can smell, two things you can touch or feel, and three things you can see. This exercise can help bring your mind back into the moment.