ADHD & Autism: Does “no” mean “no” or “not now”?
TL;DR
Tommy separates this topic from sexual consent, where “no” always means “no” for everyone. In everyday questions, “no” can mean “not at all” or “not now,” and people with autism may struggle to tell which from context. His suggestion is to politely ask for clarification and talk it through.
Let’s address this right up front: this discussion is not about consent in sexual situations. When stated in response to sexual consent, “no” always means “no” with no ambiguity. This holds true for everyone: neurotypical people, folks with ADHD, and people with autism.
In other discussions, such as with a question like, “Do you want to go to the park?”, “no” can have a possibly dual meaning of either “no, not at all” or “no, not now”.
So how does a person with autism discern the meaning? Most people would offer a suggestion of understanding the meaning through context. As a person with autism, I know that I’m not always the best at understanding context. I would offer a more fool-proof method: politely ask for clarification. Hopefully both sides of the conversation will be open to discussion to reach a consensus favorable to all parties involved.
