Hard Talks Pt 2: Clear and kind

Connecting conversations are real, important, and don’t hide behind fear or being nice. Connecting conversations rely upon partners providing and sharing knowledge that can lead to better understanding and decision making, both as individuals and as a couple. These conversations avoid the nice factor and spotlight the kind factor. They are genuine, clear, and kind. Brené Brown has often been quoted as saying “clear is kind; unclear is unkind”.

These conversations are inclusive and empower people to speak their truth— even when the truth is hard for their partner to hear. Hard, clear conversations can be connecting when the information is delivered in a gentle, kind, and respectful manner. This respect happens when we acknowledge the heart of the matter is both parties’ interests as the central focus: both of the partners matter. When we acknowledge multiple perspectives and honor our partner’s truths, connection is not only possible; it can grow and thrive. According to Patterson, Grenny, McMillian, and Switzler, couples who can handle having vulnerable conversations are more likely to stay together and reduce the chances of separating by upwards of 50%.